My sister flew down from Syracuse to visit, and brought my nephew Dexter. It's been wonderful having her. I have missed her dearly. The day before she got here my goldfish, Resbucia, went belly up. My smaller goldfish, Charlie had pushed a rock that was inside their tank on top of him. Yes, I said him. Resbucia was a boy. I bought Charlie a new fish bowl the day my sister got here so that Charlie wouldn't be in a huge tank all by herself. (Also, because I've been bugging my mom to buy me a veiled chameleon.) I also bought Charlie a dinosaur decoration and a Hot Wheels DeLorean so she wouldn't feel lonely.
This morning, before going to dinner with my family at a Chinese buffet (We'll get to that part later,) I noticed Charlie was just floating at the top of her bowl. I must just be a terrible fish mother. I scooped her lifeless body out of the bowl with my fish net and walked to the bathroom. I said a few parting words and recited the Jewish prayer of the dead. I'm not Jewish, but it seemed appropriate. As soon as I flopped her body into the toilet, she swam down the pipes. I couldn't believe my eyes. I had just been Nemo'd. She wasn't dead after all. I called for my sister, and we stared at the toilet for a good five minutes.
Then my sister had an idea.
"Go get some food, and maybe she'll swim up to eat it!"
I thought this was a great idea! So I did exactly that. We watched the fish food float in the water for several minutes. Finally, we just gave up. I gave in, and flushed the toilet.
Charlie,
You were a great fish. I enjoyed watching you for the five months I had you. I'm so sorry I did this to you. I was under the impression that you were dead.
If you ever come back, I'll give you clean water everyday.
After the fish epidemic, we went to dinner. It was a lovely dinner at a place I'd rather not disclose. Hint: It rhymes with Whoriental Whirl. The little waitress loved my nephew. "Oh, he so cute! He so cute!" she would comment. He wasn't too sure about her.
I excused myself to use the restroom after everyone had finished, and we were about to leave. I went into a stall and out of habit, looked under into the next stall. I was stunned, I saw a puppy.
"Here puppy,puppy!" I called. I wanted to save it. Why would anyone leave a puppy in an Oriental restaurant bathroom? Don't make the joke, people. I know, I know, I thought the same thing.
The puppy moved, looked at me with big beady eyes. It hissed, and showed it's long front teeth.
Holy Hell, it was a rat. A rat big enough to convince me it was a puppy.
I didn't want to cause commotion, so I just left with my family. Of course, they freaked out when I told them, and gagged. It was quite a funny sight. We decided to call my grandmother and tell her, since she was there. We told her and the line went silent. We asked her if she was there and all she could say was. "Yeah."
So that's my day. Sadly, it was pretty normal.
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